Jarnyoktan is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, witless crane.

Jarnyoktan created the Whirlpool Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnyoktan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarnyoktan, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Jarnyoktan's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Jarnyoktan's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt birds.

2. Do not place turnips upon stone.

3. Always obey Jarnyoktan's priests.

4. Never write about dwarf planets.

5. Never paint your legs turquoise.