Tif is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, merciless mole.

Tif created the Small Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tif, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tif, it will destroy your home planet.

Tif's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Tif's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick seals.

2. Tif loves pigs, so they must be respected.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Pray only in darkness.

5. Never wear purple boots.