Ton is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, tiresome dolphin.

Ton created a strange quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ton, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ton, she will turn you into a tree.

Ton's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Ton's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Run away from gray whales, for they are unholy.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not keep seven turtles in a large pit.

5. Do not stand on grass.