Quatmotvil is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, idiotic bird.

Quatmotvil created the cosmos five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatmotvil, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quatmotvil, she will turn you into a frog.

Quatmotvil's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Quatmotvil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

3. Quatmotvil must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always wear fawn.
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