Nakcimwat is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, staggering elephant.

Nakcimwat created the planet Saturn five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nakcimwat, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nakcimwat, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Nakcimwat's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Nakcimwat's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never think about dark energy near horses while wearing green jumpers and balancing eight lead spheres on your arms.

4. Never pray while filled with anger.

5. Run away if seven swans approach from the north.