Vonpangkon is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, egotistical guinea pig.

Vonpangkon created humankind nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vonpangkon, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vonpangkon, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Vonpangkon's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Vonpangkon's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Hide from turquoise voles for they are unholy.

4. Retreat if three tapirs approach from the west.

5. Do not kill hamsters.