Bagnatgem is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, duplicitous hedgehog.

Bagnatgem created Mount Everest nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagnatgem, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bagnatgem, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Bagnatgem's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bagnatgem's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Never feed onions to ants while wearing indigo shorts.

3. Do not hurt otters.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Worship no other gods but Bagnatgem.