Zogcappodyam Hatjinvig is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, merciless jackal.

Zogcappodyam Hatjinvig created time and space five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zogcappodyam Hatjinvig, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zogcappodyam Hatjinvig, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Zogcappodyam Hatjinvig's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Zogcappodyam Hatjinvig's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to vanity.

2. Always remove trousers before touching silver.

3. Do not prepare bananas while filled with anger.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Never mix nuts with ash.