Dumhatweg is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, self-assured monkey.

Dumhatweg created the planet Jupiter four million years ago.

If you believe in Dumhatweg, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dumhatweg, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Dumhatweg's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Dumhatweg's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Dumhatweg in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near birds while wearing green scarves and balancing nine platinum spheres on your face.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never wear red hats.