Larnwotlag is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, unjust finch.

Larnwotlag created the cosmos four years ago.

If you believe in Larnwotlag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Larnwotlag, he will turn you into a worm.

Larnwotlag's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Larnwotlag's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow manatees to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Do not hurt bats.

5. Do not travel during spring.