Begcutmad is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, awe-inspiring human.

Begcutmad created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine million years ago.

If you believe in Begcutmad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Begcutmad, he will remove you from existence.

Begcutmad's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Begcutmad's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Do not dye your hair cyan.

4. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

5. Always take life seriously.