Zedgamlam Funhamqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unselfish naga.

Zedgamlam Funhamqueeg created water two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedgamlam Funhamqueeg, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zedgamlam Funhamqueeg, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Zedgamlam Funhamqueeg's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Zedgamlam Funhamqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Manatees are not to be trusted.

2. Never think about dark matter near badgers while wearing blue coats and balancing seven titanium spheres on your head.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never speak aloud of secrets.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.