App is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, thoughtless squid.

App created humanity three billion years ago.

If you believe in App, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in App, it will turn you into a tree.

App's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

App's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always help sick squirrels.

3. Never leap near geese.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.