Fartonbed is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, happy lobster.

Fartonbed created Asia eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fartonbed, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Fartonbed, she will destroy your favourite star.

Fartonbed's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Fartonbed's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Do not keep five aardvarks in a large pit.

5. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.