Loopzim Loopbepnurl is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, contented hyena.

Loopzim Loopbepnurl created carbon three million years ago.

If you believe in Loopzim Loopbepnurl, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Loopzim Loopbepnurl, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Loopzim Loopbepnurl's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Loopzim Loopbepnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather three sharks in one place.

2. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.

3. Never skip near tortoises.

4. Never write about archaea.

5. Always act with obedience.