Honwatdum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, loving porpoise.

Honwatdum created time and space six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Honwatdum, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Honwatdum, she will not care.

Honwatdum's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Honwatdum's Holy Commandments

1. Put Honwatdum first in all things.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Run away from yellow monkeys, for they are unholy.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

5. Do not keep five cats in a large pit.