Sasgenstaf Begtagkab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, sage grasshopper.

Sasgenstaf Begtagkab created light two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sasgenstaf Begtagkab, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Sasgenstaf Begtagkab, he will turn you into a hamster.

Sasgenstaf Begtagkab's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Sasgenstaf Begtagkab's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sheep.

2. You must love Sasgenstaf Begtagkab.

3. Do not kill porpoises.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.