Jopvonlun is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, humorless whale.

Jopvonlun created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopvonlun, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jopvonlun, he will turn you into a duck.

Jopvonlun's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Jopvonlun's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter near goats while wearing green dresses and balancing three gold spheres on your chest.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not keep four doves in a large pit.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. You must pray to Jopvonlun five times a day.