Japgenlab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, annoying spider.

Japgenlab created energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japgenlab, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Japgenlab, she will turn you into a hamster.

Japgenlab's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Japgenlab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Do not fashion tools from platinum.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Never talk about dark energy near moths while wearing turquoise corsets and balancing eight copper spheres on your legs.

5. Do not take Japgenlab's name in vain.