Quillrilstig is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, humorless turtle.

Quillrilstig created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quillrilstig, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Quillrilstig, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quillrilstig's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Quillrilstig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quillrilstig.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never play with disobedient children.