Gumquimfligbusvonkbitmotmob is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unsympathetic manatee.

Gumquimfligbusvonkbitmotmob created light nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumquimfligbusvonkbitmotmob, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gumquimfligbusvonkbitmotmob, he will throw large rocks at you.

Gumquimfligbusvonkbitmotmob's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Gumquimfligbusvonkbitmotmob's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant near foxes.

2. Run away from pink badgers, for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about spacetime.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gumquimfligbusvonkbitmotmob.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.