Midloopkin is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, flying hydra.

Midloopkin created dark energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Midloopkin, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Midloopkin, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Midloopkin's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Midloopkin's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt turtles.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Never mark doors with yellow.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never gather nine rats near bridges.