Bafxuckcub is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, emotional swallow.

Bafxuckcub created the planet Saturn seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafxuckcub, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bafxuckcub, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Bafxuckcub's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bafxuckcub's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not step barefoot upon mauve earth.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Never feed lots of nuts to otters while wearing purple ear rings.