Gamarmfen is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, prudent cow.

Gamarmfen created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gamarmfen, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gamarmfen, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Gamarmfen's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Gamarmfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.