Stanontvig is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, unfair newt.

Stanontvig created the universe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Stanontvig, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Stanontvig, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Stanontvig's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Stanontvig's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.

3. Do not dye your hair gray.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always take life seriously.