Lopbetqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, resourceful manatee.

Lopbetqueeg created the cosmos seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopbetqueeg, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lopbetqueeg, he will turn you into a slug.

Lopbetqueeg's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Lopbetqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help grasshopers in need.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Hide if nine dogs approach from the north.

4. Never wear trousers.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.