Futzanpang Dudflabbutquatkemgumjig is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unfair armadillo.

Futzanpang Dudflabbutquatkemgumjig created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futzanpang Dudflabbutquatkemgumjig, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futzanpang Dudflabbutquatkemgumjig, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Futzanpang Dudflabbutquatkemgumjig's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Futzanpang Dudflabbutquatkemgumjig's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Feed all hungry tortoises.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Never go into black rooms.