Hitlitlunven is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, emotional monkey.

Hitlitlunven created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hitlitlunven, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hitlitlunven, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hitlitlunven's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Hitlitlunven's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five dogs approach from the north.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hitlitlunven.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

5. Hitlitlunven must be the most important thing in your life.