Gabtencam is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, vain centaur.

Gabtencam created Europe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabtencam, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gabtencam, she will turn you into a goat.

Gabtencam's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Gabtencam's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never feed strawberries to snakes while wearing trousers.

4. Do not kill sheep.

5. Do not hurt porpoises.