Vanhigspag is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, moody toad.

Vanhigspag created everything that exists seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanhigspag, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Vanhigspag, he will make you grow a tail.

Vanhigspag's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Vanhigspag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Run away from black great tits, for they are unholy.

3. Never think about thermodynamics.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Hide from mauve otters for they are unholy.