Kopgarwap Bifbabjan is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, boastful tortoise.

Kopgarwap Bifbabjan created a down quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kopgarwap Bifbabjan, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kopgarwap Bifbabjan, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Kopgarwap Bifbabjan's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Kopgarwap Bifbabjan's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Kopgarwap Bifbabjan.

2. Never sing near badgers.

3. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a building before entering it.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near ducks while wearing green rings and balancing seven titanium spheres on your head.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.