Loptailwot is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, omniscient human.

Loptailwot created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loptailwot, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Loptailwot, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Loptailwot's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Loptailwot's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never think ill of sick rats.

4. You must never eat coconuts.

5. Always look after injured tapirs.