Febwotxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, witty raccoon.

Febwotxuck created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Febwotxuck, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Febwotxuck, he will be mildly annoyed.

Febwotxuck's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Febwotxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain dresses during rituals.

2. Hide if five hamsters approach from the east.

3. Feed all hungry otters.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching iron.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.