Jadtetti Vonfom is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, moody slug.

Jadtetti Vonfom created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadtetti Vonfom, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jadtetti Vonfom, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Jadtetti Vonfom's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Jadtetti Vonfom's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never speak aloud of names.

3. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Jadtetti Vonfom in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never write about chromosomes.

5. Always store nuts above ground.