Fummilmislabbomnurtfig is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, slow pig.

Fummilmislabbomnurtfig created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fummilmislabbomnurtfig, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fummilmislabbomnurtfig, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Fummilmislabbomnurtfig's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Fummilmislabbomnurtfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

2. Always count to nine before sleeping.

3. Always obey Fummilmislabbomnurtfig's priests.

4. Never paint your chest pink.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fummilmislabbomnurtfig.