Rakquillbon is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, benevolent gorilla.

Rakquillbon created the Large Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rakquillbon, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Rakquillbon, she will boil you in a big pot.

Rakquillbon's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Rakquillbon's Holy Commandments

1. Rakquillbon loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Rakquillbon.

4. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

5. Do not dye your hair magenta.