Arfwadwik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, conceited donkey.

Arfwadwik created a strange quark two years ago.

If you believe in Arfwadwik, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Arfwadwik, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Arfwadwik's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Arfwadwik's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Arfwadwik in the centre of the settlement.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Never mention monkeys.

4. Hide if five swans approach from the north.

5. Do not dye your hair yellow.