Kabtabpop is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unselfish hydra.

Kabtabpop created a Higgs boson three billion years ago.

If you believe in Kabtabpop, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kabtabpop, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Kabtabpop's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Kabtabpop's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never gather eight voles near bridges.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Remain kneeling during prayer.