Quatveen is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, ill-tempered bat.

Quatveen created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Quatveen, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Quatveen, he will refuse to believe in you.

Quatveen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Quatveen's Holy Commandments

1. Quatveen must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always cleanse blood with water.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never gather five turtles near doors.