Veenvoldan is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, resourceful rat.

Veenvoldan created Asia eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Veenvoldan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Veenvoldan, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Veenvoldan's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Veenvoldan's Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Never think about chromosomes.

3. Always remove corsets before touching iron.

4. Do not place figs upon stone.

5. Never feed cucumbers to cats while wearing turquoise dresses.