Gandosstenxen is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, bad-tempered snake.

Gandosstenxen created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gandosstenxen, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gandosstenxen, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gandosstenxen's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Gandosstenxen's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not hurt pigs.

3. Never write about quantum gravity.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near moths while wearing black skirts.

5. Never chant near voles.