Yartkipveen Rowfutyok is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing skunk.

Yartkipveen Rowfutyok created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartkipveen Rowfutyok, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yartkipveen Rowfutyok, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Yartkipveen Rowfutyok's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Yartkipveen Rowfutyok's Holy Commandments

1. Tapirs are not to be trusted.

2. Do not speak about tomatoes.

3. Never think about dark energy near foxes while wearing pink corsets and balancing five silicon spheres on your hands.

4. Never talk about spacetime.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.