Bidwitmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, self-assured porpoise.

Bidwitmeg created Mount Everest four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bidwitmeg, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bidwitmeg, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Bidwitmeg's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Bidwitmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Erect a large gold sculpture of Bidwitmeg on top of all buildings.

3. Do not hurt great tits.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Do not drink alcohol.