Monkikdim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, clever raccoon.

Monkikdim created water twelve years ago.

If you believe in Monkikdim, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Monkikdim, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Monkikdim's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Monkikdim's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Monkikdim.

2. Never wear stockings.

3. Never feed wheat to ducks while wearing shoes.

4. Do not speak about onions.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near monkeys while wearing pink skirts and balancing eight gold spheres on your hands.