Tagbundib is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, unthinking octopus.

Tagbundib created viruses nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tagbundib, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tagbundib, she will turn you into a tree.

Tagbundib's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Tagbundib's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt rats.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

3. Never feed bread to snakes while wearing scarves.

4. Voles are not to be trusted.

5. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.