Omtarpxem is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, competent scorpion.

Omtarpxem created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Omtarpxem, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Omtarpxem, it will turn you into a snail.

Omtarpxem's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Omtarpxem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Always treat tapirs with great respect.

3. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

4. Do not kill voles.

5. Do not chop down trees.