Gepyatged Karkemstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, selfish snail.

Gepyatged Karkemstaf created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepyatged Karkemstaf, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gepyatged Karkemstaf, she will strike you with lightening.

Gepyatged Karkemstaf's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Gepyatged Karkemstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather four whales in one place.

2. Never curse while facing east.

3. Hide from black ducks for they are unholy.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not prepare figs while wearing skirts.