Lapgutjig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, able mink.

Lapgutjig created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Lapgutjig, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lapgutjig, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Lapgutjig's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Lapgutjig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

2. Do not speak about lemons.

3. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.

4. Never write about nebulae.

5. Never chant in the presence of dogs.