Wapbumkop is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, amazing raccoon.

Wapbumkop created life seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wapbumkop, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Wapbumkop, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Wapbumkop's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Wapbumkop's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Wapbumkop.

2. Retreat if nine snails approach from the south.

3. Do not kill mice.

4. Wapbumkop must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.