Cadhabzustbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, two-faced mole.

Cadhabzustbarn created vertebrates three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cadhabzustbarn, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Cadhabzustbarn, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Cadhabzustbarn's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Cadhabzustbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention goats.

2. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.